Author: Gabriel Beady

In the garden there is beauty to behold
In the heart are seeds untold
In the Garden we sit, smile, and watch beauty unfold

In the garden of our life beauty can be seen
In the prime of our life we stand between
life and death, happiness and pain, but through it all we stand tall

A smile to behold
A life to be shared
Love to be given freely to all

In the garden an array of beauty
For us all you loved so deeply
Like a garden your love was given freely

A laugh, a beam from your eyes
Until we meet again beyond the sky
As we sit peering into the garden you planted
It’s in our hearts your love has championed.

The winter of 1888 was desperately cold in the plains of Kansas. Bill Hawkler and his wife Maci with their two children had moved west from Delaware in the hopes of a land claim that was being offered for free. In Delaware, Bill had worked in his father’s shoe shop since he was twelve. Even though he was very proud of and appreciative of his father wanting him to take over the family business, something down deep drove him with a fervent passion to head west. Ever since his cousin Mortin left and moved to Colorado, where he would then send word that he had found gold, though small as it may be, it ignited in Bill a fire that would not be quenched. The excitement was contagious, and Bill had talked Maci into moving; they were to head toward Colorado in the months to come. However, when reading the classified section of the Dover Post one day he saw the ad which would change everything… Come to Kansas, where the skies are blue, the land is plentiful and in need of settlers “Free Land.” This was all possible as the result of the Homestead Act passed by the U.S. Congress in 1862. As he sat on his favorite chair drinking his morning coffee before heading to the shoe shop, he screeched loudly… Maci, Maci, listen to this, “free land, acres, and acres for free, land in Kansas. Let’s do it, Maci, you always wanted to one day build your own home. We can watch the kids grow, and we can move out of this city and into a place we can make our own. Let’s go, let’s get as much as we can while we can.

The year was 1878 and eight months after having first read the ad, they were well on their way to Kansas. Much to the dismay of his father and telling him he was missing a great opportunity; Bill was nonetheless resolute as he had the purpose of moving west on his heart and in his thoughts. The slow trip west moving with a team of horses was uneventful. To be sure, there were no tales to be told or events worth mentioning; all went very well and two months to the day they arrived at Basehor, Ks. It was here that the Hawkler family would be granted ownership of 1,025 acres nestled well away from a budding Kansas City.

Ten years later in 1888, the lingering two-year drought had taken its toll on the regional crops. Though Bill for the five previous years had yielded a bountiful harvest, the bank that had lent him his initial loan for the farming implements was calling the note and wanted payment in full in 90 days. This would take every penny that the family had saved since the land became profitable. The issue was not Bill or his payment history, as he was always on time. The official letter from the savings and loan stated they were shoring up their commitment to expanding west and per the loan agreement, he had signed to render payment in full with 90 days’ notice. To make matters worse, this was in October just as the winter season was to settle in the plains. After Bill’s return trip home from the bank, he would unhitch the horses, put them up in the barn with feed, and then walk the path to the house. Maci stepped out the back door watching him as he walked with his head lowered. As Bill approached, he looked up and made eye contact with her. Bill, what are we going to do, Maci asked. Bill stopped in his tracks and shook his head back and forth then said, Maci, somehow, someway God will make a way for us. Without a word in reply, Maci turned and went into the house. As always, Maci had dinner on the table waiting for him. They and the kids now 13 and 12 years of age sat down. The family held hands and Bill prayed the blessing over their meal.

As the sun began to set early with a radiant orange fiery glow, the chill in the air signaled that winter was not far off. Having spent all their life savings to settle the loan at the bank, there was nothing left to buy rations for the winter that was certain to come. All the old-timers in the area and those who thought they could tell the seasons by the tree leaves said that it was to be a cold and snowy winter. Bill not only had faith in God, but he also had faith in his hunting skills in which he had never ceased to provide ample meat for the family. To be sure, Bill was not worried about what was ahead and sought to comfort Maci as they lay down scooting close and pulling the quilt up tight. As they began to dose off Bill whispered to Maci, God will provide. Maci opened her eyes, closed them, and would be quickly drawn into a deep sleep. She would awake in the middle of the night gasping for air. Bill was awakened by her sudden jolt and asked what is wrong, Maci? What is wrong? It was a dream, a terrible dream I had. What was it Maci, what was the trouble in the dream? Bill, I was standing in an open field with snow up to my knees and the wind began to blow. As the snow began to violently blow, it was like the whole town lifted in the air, all the surrounding trees uprooted and began to swirl like it was a big whirlpool and then the ground opened and swallowed everything. Then there was silence, nothing, there was no sound from anything. I began to scream, Bill, Kacy, Angie… where are you. I could not see anyone and then the snow raised like a tidal wave and raced toward me; it was then I woke up. Bill, what was that, why the dreadful dream? Bill told Maci that it was just a dream and let’s try to go back to sleep. As Bill heard Maci fall asleep breathing deeply, he lay awake thinking about what had just happened. Though he sought to comfort Maci, the dream she had deeply troubled him. Bill was a man of faith but there was something about her dream that unsettled him. As Maci was sleeping soundly, he lay on his back staring at the ceiling thinking of what Maci had told him. I must get some sleep, he thought, I have so much work to do tomorrow. As Bill tried to force his mind to shut down so he too could sleep, he whispered a prayer and asked God to protect his family and keep them safe.

The next two weeks would go by quickly and as November ushered in, Bill while clearing brush began to cough. Though it was only a small and infrequent cough, he did feel like there was something in the back of his throat. Bill kept working late into the evening and as he made his way toward home, he felt a chill and shuddered. Ahh… it is nothing he thought as he fed the horses and then made his way to the house. Bill walked in, sat on the chair, and took off his boots. Maci had made cornbread and potato soup; it was the perfect medicine for this new sniffle and feather in the back of his throat. The next morning Bill would arise early as he always does and would ready the team of horses for the workday ahead. Bill thought to himself, he had maybe a week left of clearing before the snow and cold weather set in. He headed out the door but not before he hugged the family and patted the cabin cat on the head. As Bill worked tirelessly, skipping the lunch Maci had packed for him, it was late afternoon when his legs began to hurt then his shoulders; this was no ordinary pain he thought. Not long after he was stricken by the first deep cough; this was no tickle any longer. It would only quickly get worse from there. As Bill decided that he could no longer continue to cut brush with his shoulders and legs hurting the way they were he headed home. As he struggled to climb up into the wagon, he became lightheaded and almost fell backward and off. With one last grasp, he fell forward and sprawled sideways onto the seat. What is happening he thought, as he tried to get his orientation. He would pull himself up straight on the seat and then would shakingly point the team toward home. The team of horses had made the trip so many times to the field, they effortlessly made their way home as Bill had no strength to guide the reigns. Bill stumbled onto the porch and then fell through the door, he yelled out to Kacy to unhitch the horses and put them up. That was the last thing that he would be able to say before crashing to the floor.

Maci, with the help of the kids, got Bill into bed that night. She did all she could to cool him down, Bill was fevered severely and was hallucinating. Many times, he would yell loudly, “the horses are in the barn and it’s on fire. Get the horses out of the barn. Hurry, the barn is on fire!” There was little sleep for the whole family that night, and for many weeks to come.

Bill had not been out of bed in two weeks, slipping in and out of consciousness when it began to turn bitterly cold and then begin to snow. It started to snow on a Friday and would snow for the next three days straight. As the wind began to howl deafeningly Maci felt as if the cabin was closing in on her. The Kids also began to worry out loud, Mom, what are we going to do? Mom, I am cold. Mom, I am hungry, what is happening to dad, is he going to die? Mom, he has been in bed for two weeks and the firewood is about out and so is the food. What are we going to do? There was little Maci could say, as she too was on the brink of exasperation and felt on the verge of a total breakdown. Desperately, she began to uncontrollably sob. It was here and there was nothing she could do about it; the end seemed near. She loved her kids, but she felt she was at her end and had nothing left to give. As she made her way to the bed where Bill was, he was alive but motionless, though his fever broke he was as white as a sheet. She bent down, leaned forward, and grabbed his shoulders… Bill, why? Why did you bring us to Kansas? Did you bring us here for your whole family to die? For just a moment Bill’s eyes opened, then they closed and would not open again no matter how loudly Maci wailed. Three days later Kacy said to his mother, this is the last of the wood. Mom, are we going to freeze to death, I am so cold and it feels colder now more than ever.

During the winter of 1888 and making their way west was the Forester Mining & Holdings Co. This was no small wagon train navigating westward. The Forester Co. was a prosperous mining company that made its fortunes in mining precious metals. Though not limited to it, Copper was their specialty. Located near Amenia, New York, the company had secured a land lease to begin mining copper in Colorado. With the vast riches of the company and their desire to make it safely to Colorado, the team headed west was well-equipped. Jacob McGlead and his wife Abigail had immigrated to America in the early 1870s from Scotland. Jacob was tall, red-headed, and barrel-chested. Though his appearance was intimidating, he was what could be described as a gentle giant. Macabee Forester had personally commissioned Jacob as the company lead and representative. Jacob was not a miner but was a surveyor by trade who had previously done contract work for Mr. Forester and his ventures. Macabee had been searching for a lead foreman to oversee the opening of the new mine in Colorado when one day Jacob stopped in to deliver diagrams, he had drawn up on recent land development Forester was to begin. Jacob was about to leave once the plans were delivered when Macabee shouted to him… Jacob, do you have a minute? What was to unfold was what seemed to be chance. Macabee loved Jacob and how he showed excellence in his work. He would ask Jacob if he would consider leading his team west and overseeing the opening of the new mine. Though he was shocked by the offer, he nevertheless agreed and six months later would be leading the Forester team toward Colorado.

Jacob and Abigail loved America and New York. They would settle into their new country and would have their first child. Abigail wanted to name the baby girl Pricilla Grace and this to Jacob seemed fitting. God had shown throughout their life undisputed grace. It was just shy of five weeks and the Forester wagon train had made it west of Kansas City when the snow began to fly, and the wind began to blow. Sensing he needed to find anything that resembled shelter for the entire team, they held up and made camp at the base of a ridge. Jacob thought that at the very least the south wind would be blunted somewhat by the ridge. Hurry, get unpacked, and get the fires going. Set up the tents, it is getting worse Jacob instructed the men. It was close to dusk and as the setting sun was partially blocked by snow clouds, Jacob looked into the horizon and could see what looked like a farm. Though it was a silhouette, he could make out a barn, house, and what appeared to be smoke rising then quickly dissipating. Men, make sure the fires do not go out, take your turns keeping watch Jacob proclaimed as he raised the fold of his tent then hunkered and stooped in. From that night it would snow for three days. The men were diligent in keeping the fires going despite the blizzard conditions; it was a matter of life or death and dying on the plains of Kansas was not an option for them. For three days the wind blew and the snow fell. During the long days of waiting out the storm, Jacob reflected upon the past two years. He thought then took a deep sigh, He spoke out loud, and being alone in his tent he knew he was safe to say what he felt. God, I know you love me, but this has been so hard. I never knew love could hurt this bad. I never knew a heart could hurt as mine does.

It has been two years since whooping cough swept through the McGlead home. All were sick and Jacob was unable to render the care that he desired for his family; it would come to a tragic end when his baby girl Pricilla Grace died in the early morning hours and then later that night his wife would pass away. For a man to bury his daughter and wife while he too is sick is unconceivable and beyond heartrending. As Jacob lie on his bedding staring up at the tent ceiling it was bending from the weight of the snow. He lay thinking of the good times they had and the victories they shared. He had made it a point to not die because the family had perished. Jacob often told himself that Abigail would not want him to quit living because she had died. So, Jacob often reminded himself that he needed to think positive thoughts. Many men are soured when suffering great loss, but Jacob was not one of those men. Though his heart hurt, he often thanked God for giving him the family he had believed for some unknown reason he was spared from also dying. Jacob in the past two years told several people that he believes he must share life and not be held captive by death. What is the reason? Faith. Jacob says his faith is in God and His goodness. While miners are known to be rowdy, all the men showed Jacob great respect and not one challenged his authority. One way in which Jacob kept his mind occupied for the past two years was by working; this is why when asked he accepted the job to lead the Forester team toward Colorado. The work would be good for me, Jacob thought when asked by Macabee.

It was the third night and snowing as hard as it had two days earlier. Jacob forced his eyes closed and hoped that morning would bring a break in the weather so they could pack up and continue their journey. There is something about a storm that no matter how much you have slept, the weather makes you want to sleep more. Jacob fell fast asleep. It seemed to Jacob he had only slept for minutes when he awoke as the sun danced making shadows through the seams of snow on top of his tent. He sat straight up in bed and was gripped by the dream he had. Jacob saw himself standing atop a hill looking down into a valley where a house and barn stood. As he watched, he could see what appeared to be a small light the size of a candle then moved toward the barn and grow drastically larger and then to the size of an inferno. The wall of fire moved toward the barn, and it ignited. The barn, the barn is on fire. As Jacob stood atop the hill it was as if he froze and could not move. But the barn is on fire, I need to get to the barn. Jacob could hear horses neighing in agony and cries from what sounded like a woman. As he sat up and gathered his trousers and boots, wrapped his coat around him, he swung open the flap to his tent and began to holler for the men to get up. It’s time to move men, get up, the storm is over. As he gathered himself, he felt the weight of the dream, to him it was as if it happened. The dream was so surreal. What is it, Lord? Why such a horrible dream, he asked as he prayed under his breath. The men gathered their goods and as best they could tread through the deep snow to load their gear. As Jacob prepared his equipment, he glanced at the horizon and paused for a moment. Wait, he thought to himself. Wasn’t there a house out there to the northwest? There was smoke three days ago when we made camp. I don’t see smoke and It is still so cold. There is no way anyone could have left that house; we could not continue. There is no smoke, I do not see any smoke. Men, give me three men to go with me. I need three volunteers. As two young men and one man much older stood and said they would go, Jacob said hurry; we need to hurry.

Twenty minutes later the four men would reach the farm. Jacob pounded on the cabin door. There was no sound and no reply. Jacob pushed hard against the door and as the snow gave way and the door partially opened, the four men squeezed through and were standing in the open room of what was the kitchen and family area. Huddled together with arms intertwined were Maci, Kacy, and Angie. Jacob bent down and all three were startled. Angie immediately began to cry and Maci stood, Kacy cried out… dad, what about dad? Fearing the worst Maci began to sob. She pointed to the room where Bill was, and Jacob walked through the door to see Bill Hawkler having passed in the night. Jacob walked back into the kitchen and said, Mam, I am so sorry, he has died. The degree of grief can only be understood by those who have experienced such tragedy. Jacob fully comprehended where this family was at. Maci with tears streaming down her cheeks said, what are we going to do?  Jacob told the men to hurry back and bring supplies and wood to build a fire. As they left, Jacob asked Maci if it was okay that he prayed. She told him to please do it. The men would return with food and wood. Jacob knew he could not stay but also that he could not leave this family at this moment. He felt one more day would not make that big a difference being they had already lost three days of travel. Jacob sat at the table as a fire began to roar in the pot belly stove. The hot food and fire seemed to ease for a moment Maci’s pain. She then began to tell Jacob how Bill became sick two weeks before the storm rolled in, of his fever and hallucinations. A tear began to stream down her cheek, and with a cracking voice, she said the barn… the barn is on fire. Bill kept waking and screaming, get the horses out of the barn, the barn is on fire. When Maci spoke this phrase, it was as if Jacob was paralyzed. His mind raced with thoughts rapidly firing, bouncing off every space in his head. The dream, God, the dream I had!

The Forester team would spend a final night just outside Basehor, Ks. As the company broke camp and made ready the next morning Maci chose a burial site and a team of six men dug through frozen ground and prepared to bury Bill Hawkler. Jacob was a true leader, not just of men but of faith. He would preside over the funeral and tell Maci that she will not have to make it through the winter alone. Jacob’s right-hand man said he would winter over with the family and make sure they were cared for. With the resources of the Forester Co., the family would want for nothing; Jacob was determined of such. As much as it broke his heart to leave, he understood that he was being paid to do a job and the family was in good hands; he would in early spring come back and head east and Pete could go west to take his place. Then a plan for how to care for the Hawkler family could be arranged from there.

Men, saddle up, and mount the wagons, it’s time to go. As the wagon train departed and made its way west, Jacob played the past few days over and over again as if the memory were a circular pattern in his head. The Barn is on fire… God, was the dream I had you? Was it a coincidence? Was it happenstance? The questions would not leave him. Jacob knew that he needed to get his mind on the task at hand, being the Forester team needed his leadership if they were to make it to Colorado. Jacob took a deep breath and within himself, he prayed a prayer. He asked God to protect the Hawkler family and to help their hurting hearts. He asked that the Lord grant them peace in only the way that He can. Jacob thanked the Lord for allowing him to save the remaining family members and that they had arrived just in time. Jacob was sure the remaining three would have not lasted another night in the bitter cold without food or heat; he thanked God for His timing. He settled in his mind that he did not need to know if the dream was divine, as for Jacob, he prayed and thanked God that he could be a part of Providence.

As Jacob closed his prayer with, Amen… and we thank you in Jesus’ name, it was a strange place to be. It was a strange feeling and foreign emotion. While his heart was still heavy from experiencing so much pain from those he tried to help and in the way that it pulled on his pain, he strangely felt joy. He thought to himself, how can I be sad and happy at the same time? Should I be happy at a time as tragic as this? Shouldn’t I also be mourning? Something has happened… in me; I feel different. As the Forester Co. wagon train headed west toward Colorado, Jacob leaned his head back looking at the open sky, the storm had passed and though it was frigid, the heavens are blue, and your word is true. Jacob was overwhelmed with the understanding that he had been a part of life that he knew Abigail wanted him to experience. With one last statement out loud, Jacob said: There was a barn fire in the plains!

The Man

I looked out over the horizon and saw a man walking toward me slowly, his back to the sun and it in my eyes. I thought to myself, I wish he would walk faster so I would know if it was he who I am waiting on. As sun rays bounced off his silhouette shooting skyward like rockets toward heaven I could not make out his face. Slowly, and even seeming to slow more, it’s agony waiting to both see and know. I stand still, take a deep breath and quiet myself. He will get here just wait. Out of know where a very large fly dives down at me, buzzes my ear, and then bounces off my nose. Wait! Where did He go? Oh, there he is still moving toward me. Cars swoosh by, horns honk and sirens wail as I stand waiting; is it him? I think he is limping. I think he is strangely lurching forward. Could this really be Him? As I stare attempting to squint through the piercing light, I am knocked forward. I lose my balance and attempt to brace for the fall as the ground rushes toward me. Just before I hit the ground, I look up to see the flash of a red bicycle and a boy who could me not more than six; I have hurt my wrist. I stagger to my feet and fix my gaze on He who now stands in front of me. Is it He? I can’t see, my glasses, where did they go. It must have been a result of the sudden throw. I just do not know. How could this be? I cannot see. Is it He who I am waiting on?

Is He?